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Post by vinutna on Nov 23, 2015 16:50:02 GMT
Hello,
Thanks for the reply Teacher Jill, I will not give up until I score my required bands. Here is one essay and letter which I wrote after carefully following your strategies on writing.
Some people believe that zoos where animals are kept in man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?
Zoos are the places where several animals are kept. Some groups of people consider that zoos should be banned in the 21st century as they snatch the freedom of animals. However, I disagree with the given notion because of the benefits zoos provide such as protection of animals, education and entertainment, lastly maintenance of ecological balance.
To begin with, most of the animals these days are gradually losing their natural habitats because of deforestation and natural calamities. So in this cases, zoos prove to be beneficial for animals as they get a safer place to live in. Zoos also provide enough place for large animals. Hence, it pertinent to consider zoos should no longer exist. Furthermore, in past few decades, several animals are under the threat of extinction because of poaching and illegal trade of animals. For example, in country like India, tigers are becoming extinct and hence, left over tigers are being protected by keeping them in zoos. Consequently, government of India to increase their number has initiated numerous breeding programs.
In addition, zoos act as a huge source of knowledge for children since they can relish the opportunity of watching animals closely. The images of animals which they see in their textbooks can be seen live in the zoos and they can also get entertained. Finally, zoos help in maintaining ecological balance by saving several animals. If animals’ extinction continues without being addressed then in the long run, it disturbs the natural life cycle and ultimately end in dangerous consequences. Therefore, it is not correct to think of a world without zoos.
Taking into consideration all the above points, I believe that zoos should not be banned as they are safe living places for many animals.
Write a letter to the environment officer in your area complaining about the garbage problem in your neighborhood and say
- What is causing the problem?
- Why is it bothering you?
- Suggest a solution to rectify the problem.
Dear Sir,
My name is Vishwa Vinutna, a resident of Square villa colony. I am writing this letter to complain you about litter problem in our neighborhood.
The main problem is rubbish collecting van does not come regularly, because of this, the litter is heavily being deposited on the road. After, two days it produces bad smell that is harmful for us. Moreover, it attracts various insects and microorganisms. Sometimes, in windy atmosphere, garbage is dispersed on the entire lane, which makes the colony untidy.
The situation has worsened when one of my neighbors became sick because of awful atmosphere of colony. I am concerned about the safety of my family members and residents of colony. Hence, I believe this problem should be solved as early as possible.
To address this problem, I suppose that the rubbish should be collected daily or at least on alternate days to prevent the accumulation of waste. As a responsible environmental officer, you have to look into this issue and implement stern rules to avoid these kinds of problems.
I look forward to seeing a prompt action from you.
Yours sincerely,
Vishwa Vinutna.
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Post by vinutna on Nov 23, 2015 16:53:18 GMT
No, I do not have a teacher or friend with whom I can talk.
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Post by Admin on Nov 23, 2015 17:39:56 GMT
Dear Vishwa Lovely! A good essay. Since you have three ideas in the thesis statement, make three paragraphs in your essay. You could add an example for your second and third paragraphs. For example, a field trip to a zoo you can remember (or imagine!) and an example of a lost habitat (such as the Giant Panda because of lands cleared of bamboo for tea production). This would be a 7.0  1. Unnecessary 2. take or deny freedom to animals3. and or and lastly4. these5. room or space6. This sentence contradicts the arguments in your paragraph. If it is pertinent it is relevant or important to consider that zoos shouldn’t exist, but your argument is that they should. You could say the opposite though: Hence it is irrational /unwise / imprudent to consider that zoos should no longer exist.7. in8. a 9. the remaining10. to increase their number, the government of India 11. be12. the 13. numerous14. Unnecessary This is a good letter, too, and would be 6.5. A few corrections and it could be 7.  |
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Post by vinutna on Nov 23, 2015 19:34:48 GMT
Hah!
I am so happy to get band 7 for my essay for the first time, I will try to maintain the same.
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Post by vinutna on Nov 24, 2015 16:54:30 GMT
Hello,
I have written the following essay and letter under exam conditions of 40 minutes for essay and 20 minutes for letter, first with pencil then I have typed as it is without any changes.
Does the development of communications technology have more advantages than how people communicated in the past? Give your opinion
It is certainly true that communication methods have widely changed in past few decades. I believe that the advanced communication technology has more benefits as compared to communication modes of the past.
Antediluvian system of communicating no longer withstands in the twenty first century. Letter writing is one among those past methods. Before the advent of technology, people used to transfer their messages by writing letters, which gave great solace to both sender and receiver of the letters. In addition, transfer of information through trusted persons was also observed in the past. Eventually, because of the development in the communication technology old-fashioned forms of conversation had gradually declined. Furthermore, face-to-face conversation has been considered from the past and is still in demand for important decision making in companies, interviews or to decide about future planning among family members.
However, advanced communication modes have mostly replaced old ones these days. They are time saving, easy and comfortable. E-mails, video conferencing, social networking media and chat messengers have revolutionized the way people communicate today. These are convenient and takes very less time. For instance, a letter and an email sent from a place say Chennai to Hyderabad, and then emails will be delivered within fractions of seconds whereas letter takes at least 3-4 days to reach the destination. Furthermore, modern communication methods alleviate the tediousness of going in person to post office and post a letter. Just by the click of the button, emails are delivered. Video conferencing has taken place of face-to-face conversation. The entire credit goes to the Internet that has facilitated modern communication systems that connects the entire world. Now, one could communicate to a person who is present in any part of the world within no time.
In short, I believe that advancements in the communication systems have more advantages than communication methods of the past.
A builder worked in your house a few weeks ago. You did not like the result of his work. Write a letter to him and say
- Describe the work you wanted him to do.
- What is your complaint about his job?
- What do you expect him to do about it?
Dear Mr. John,
I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction on the house painting work you have under taken few weeks ago.
The painting done by you is not appealing. I already said you what I expect. Everything was decided about the colour contrast as well as brightness. I was happy that you have finished the work before the prescribed time, but in hurry you have spoiled the look of the living room.
As I was out of station, I was unable to check your work on time. However, your work has dissatisfied me by the uneven painting. I guess you were not careful while painting this room. You have also painted a colour shade other than the one mentioned.
Therefore, I want you to re-paint the entire living room on your own expenses, as it was your fault. Moreover, I have to with hold your last installment pay until the issue id sorted out. I expect you to do this within three days as we have thrown a house-warming party the next week.
Best regards,
Vishwa.
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Post by Admin on Nov 24, 2015 20:36:10 GMT
Hi Vishwa Good that you are practising under timed conditions. Does the development of communications technology have more advantages than how people communicated in the past? Give your opinion. 1. methods2. Antediluvian is too strong a word and inaccurate in terms of communications. Keep it simple. Say something like Old fashioned/Past/Old methods of communication. 3. Withstand means to stand against. I think you mean hold up or can no longer stand up. 4. of or developments in 5. However - this is in contrast to the previous statement. 6. This is an argument that old-fashioned communication is advantageous. You could have answered the question more fully and ordered your ideas more clearly, as your first paragraph is mostly about what the old methods of communication were, rather than their advantages. Overall 6.0-6.5. You have some good vocabulary, but sometimes it is better to keep it simple (and correct) than use inappropriate 'less common' vocabulary! A builder worked in your house a few weeks ago. You did not like the result of his work. Write a letter to him and say
- Describe the work you wanted him to do.
- What is your complaint about his job?
- What do you expect him to do about it?  1. undertook Use past simple if here is a time reference. 2. told3. away / unavailable / out of town4. at the5. I am dissatisfied with6. at7. are throwing Use present continuous for known future [1] Good – you state the purpose for writing. [2] You need to say what you wanted done. e.g. I asked you to paint the lower part of the wall in oyster silk paint and the upper portion in matt cream. The cornice and the section above the plaster were to be in coral pink, while the plaster and ceilings were to be white. I realise that you had only four days to complete the work, but we negotiated a special price to cover the extra labour required.[3] Here is where you say what’s wrong. You could amalgamate details in [2] and [3]. [4]Good – you say what you expect him to do. Because of the lack of focus, this would be a 6.0. Kind regards Teacher Jill |
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Post by vinutna on Nov 25, 2015 17:14:03 GMT
Hello Teacher Jill,
I am bit worried about my hand writing, shall I send a scanned copy of hand written essay so that you can suggest me, whether my hand writing would hinder my band score?
Essay: Some people think that strict punishments for driving offenses are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The development in the field of automobile industry made various vehicles easily affordable. Because of this revolution, nowadays people who drive have been increased and in turn, the offenders who break traffic rules.
It is a matter of concern that whether offenders should be punished or else to concentrate on the measures to improve road safety.
According to me, the people who do not follow rules while driving should be punished severely. The stringent punishments would create fear in people and make them drive properly. Moreover, apart from imposing fine, they ought to be sentenced jail term, in case of major accidents, and, the laws have to be firm. The legal proceedings to punish the offender must be done with in a short period. One example from my real life is a hit and run case of one of the famous actor, who was found accused of killing four persons in that accident, but due to lack of strict rules, the case came to conclusion after 10 years. Therefore, in this case, lack of firm laws made the accused to be free to continue his career that sends a wrong message into the public.
On the other hand, one may argue that, improvement in the road safety measures would play a major role in decreasing the number of driving offenders. They consider that, better safety rules would avoid accidents. However, I suppose, it is a wise idea to develop the safety rules but it solely does not prove to be effective.
In conclusion, in my point of view, strict punishments are more effective as compared to improved safety measures in decreasing traffic accidents.
Writing task 1 (a letter)
You have been living in an apartment for a year. Recently the landlord notified you about rent increase starting from next month. Write a complaint letter to him/her and say
- Introduce yourself and describe your situation.
- Explain why you cannot pay the increased rent.
- What will you do, if the landlord will insist on increasing the rent?
Dear Mr. Cameroon,
My name is Vishwa Vinutna, a tenant of your apartment named “Perry Plaza”. I have shifted to your apartment six months ago. I am writing this letter with regards to increase in rent, which is certainly in action from next month on wards.
It is not fair to raise the rent because we already had the complete clarity on this matter before I rented. Moreover, as per the recent renting bond is concerned, I suppose this rent increase is not applicable for me. It is clearly mentioned in the bond about not to increase rent before a year of residing of any tenant. Apart from this, right now I am not in a position to pay you more, because of my unstable earnings.
However, in case you insist me to pay more rent then eventually I have to vacate your flat and look for another place to live in which could be in my financial range. Finally, I hope you could think of this matter and come to a decision that might be in my favor.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully,
Vishwa Vinutna
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Post by Admin on Nov 25, 2015 22:04:57 GMT
Hello Vishwa   Teacher Dennis |
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Post by Admin on Nov 27, 2015 5:47:25 GMT
Hi Vishwa
Good idea about handwriting! Attach a sample.
Kind regards
Teacher Jill
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Post by vinutna on Nov 27, 2015 16:30:30 GMT
Hello Teacher Jill,
I am unable attach my hand written essay here, hence, I am sending it to your personal id. Kindly correct it and comment on my hand writing and also give approximate band.
Moreover, I have a doubt, what is the difference between "predominantly" and "predominately". Are they both similar?
and, I have read your seven modal essays, they were very nice, I am need of such collection of essays to gather more ideas and it would be easy for me to write a good essay.
Therefore, I request you to either post more modal essays or send to my id. I will be grateful to you.
Thanking you,
Vishwa.
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Post by Admin on Nov 27, 2015 21:10:25 GMT
Hi Vishwa Your handwriting is absolutely fine - no problems there! And this is a GOOD essay. This is a 7.0-7.5.  Great work! Teacher Jill |
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