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Post by Admin on Oct 23, 2015 4:26:15 GMT
Here is a Task 1 essay a student asked for feedback on. The chart illustrates the total time spent on different types of phone calls in the UK from 1995 to 2002.The units for three different categories namely local(fixed line),National and International(fixed line), and Mobile calls are measured in minutes (billions). Overall,there was an upward trend in the number of minutes spent on mobile,national and international calls(fixed line).Although,the time spent on local calls fluctuated but it gained more popularity over the period of 8years.However,the usage of mobile phones increased over time but the British spent least time on mobile calls as compared to local,national and international calls on fixed line. According to the chart,the total number of minutes spent on local calls on fixed line were 70billions in 1995.This number rose to 90billions minutes in 1988 and remained steady for a year before dropping to 70billions in 2002.During the same period,the usage of national and international calls through fixed line in Uk was 35billions in 1995,peaking at 60billions in 2002. Minutes spent by the British on mobile calls increased rapidly from 1995 to 2002.There was a significant rise in time spent on mobile calls from 3billions in 1995 to 45billions minutes in 2002.
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Post by Admin on Oct 23, 2015 4:33:43 GMT
Dear Student, The introduction lacks cohesion. Try making one sentence covering all the information: The chart illustrates the total time spent in billions of minutes for three categories of phone call in the UK – fixed line national, fixed line international and mobile – from 1995 to 2002. The second paragraph starts with an overall statement which would be better in the concluding lines. The report lacks progression: start with significant details and finish with a general view. Try to use some ‘less common’ vocabulary. For example, use ‘expended’(K7) instead of ‘spent’, ‘surge’ (K4) instead of rise and ‘proliferation’ (K6) instead of 'growth'. Overall, local land-line use rose from 1995, peaked in 1999 and returned to 1995 levels in 2002. Minutes spent on other landline calls - domestic and overseas – climbed steadily throughout the period. Mobile phone time was insignificant in 1995, but proliferated from 1999, closing the gap on landline calls. We hope that helps! Try re-writing the essay to see if you can improve it.
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