essay evaluation

ESSAY
Nowadays young people prefer to move to big cities; older people, however, are the opposite and prefer to stay in the countryside. What are the positives and negatives of this trend?

Young people these days prefer to live in big cities rather than older people who usually want to live in the countryside. This trend has benefits such as better education and employment opportunities for youngsters and the negativeness includes over population, housing, shelter and food problems in the city.

To begin with, young people get the chance to prove their mettle and secure their future with good education and later by obtaining suitable job in the cities. The cities are the resources of great educational institutions as well as the center of corporate hierarchy. Moreover, unskilled workers who migrate to cities could easily find a job by under going a training course. On the other hand, older people in the villages love to live in the womb of nature and thus can enjoy the greenery of farmlands and the pleasant atmosphere at the countryside.

However, these migrations of younger people create overpopulation in the cities. In addition to this, one has to face the vicissitudes’ of food, shelter and clothing in the initial days of migration. It may also happen that, one may not get the right job for the longer time that eventually results in the shortcomings of money because of which may get frustrated and depressed. To add more, as people at the countryside also decrease in number, there would be less food production and this result in the food scarcity in the end.

To summarize, movement of young people to cities and staying of older people at villages possibly produce an imbalance in the concentration of populations at both countryside and large cities.


LETTER
You have decided to leave your job and need to inform your company about your decision.
Write a letter to your manager. In the letter,
Explain why you are leaving
Express your thanks for what you learned at the company
Suggest the sort of person who could replace you

Dear Sir,

I am Vishwa Vinutna, an employee at your company. I am writing this letter to inform you about leaving my sales- executive job.

I deeply apologize to you for making such a sudden decision of resignation. The primary reason behind this decision is the transfer oh my husband to Chennai. As you know, he is a bank manager at the central bank and his job involves the frequent transfers.

I would always be grateful to the company for transforming me into a professional sales- executive. The friendly and cooperative atmosphere at the office encouraged me to imbibe several useful qualities such as interpersonal and management skills. Hence, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support.

Moreover, I would like to recommend a friend of mine to this post. His name is John Slater who is enough experienced in the field of sales management and he is well aware of the marketing strategies. I am sure that, John would contribute his best for the development of our company by introducing the radical ideas.

Finally, I suppose you would understand my situation and think about recruiting John. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,
Vishwa Vinutna

Hello,

ESSAY
Living with animals such as owning a pet- dog, cat or bird is good for people. Do you agree or disagree. Use your personal examples to illustrate your response.

Human beings share this world with animals since the dawn of time. Animals provided humanity not only by work but also proved to be good companions throughout history. I believe, owning a pet is highly beneficial as it encourages feeling of empathy and teaches a person to be responsible towards other creatures.

The common dwelling between humans and animals is a positive phenomenon because a human can understand feelings and needs of others. For example, when I was young. I used to take care of our family’s two dogs. This act made me to be empathetic towards dogs. I had to take care of their feeding on the correct time and check about their cleanliness. Therefore, from this it is clear that sharing a home with pets enhances the sense of empathy in a person.

To add more, living with other animals certainly makes a person responsible. Returning to prior example of my youth, I had to follow rigorous schedule to make sure that the dogs were cared properly. I had to take them on a walk for couple of times a day and given enough attention to them. Eventually, this habit of caring for other living being made me responsible. This may happen with all those people who own a pet.

To summarize, in my opinion, owning a pet inculcates empathy and responsibility in a person and it has more pros than cons. Hence, owning a pet is highly recommended.

LETTER
Write a letter to a manufacturer to ask them to arrange production of a new item for you. Please say
What item do you need?
Why do you need it?

To the engineering team of R.K manufacturers,

I am writing this letter to ask you for manufacture of bicycle chains that set well with our Go Cycle model. Allow us to know about details of situation from your side.

We received numerous complaints that the chain of go model cycle snaps too quickly. This was a negative factor for us who has a brand positioning as a supplier of mountaineering goods. Hence, I ask you for the manufacture of good quality chains.

However, after proper testing we realized that the chains were made of low quality steel. Therefore, on this day on wards we ask you to manufacture chains by using the highest grade of steel available for you. On the other hand, we likely understand that the price will go up so we invite any new quotation that could be reasonable. Thanking you in advance and I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,
Vishwa,
Head of sales department,
Sports world.

Dear Vishwa

The essay is a little short, so it would not make the word count. The introduction is good, but make sure you really mean empathy, rather than compassion. Empathy means you feel what someone/thing else feels. Your first paragraph isn’t really about empathizing with animals, but about being responsible for them, so paragraphs 1 and 2 would really go together as one paragraph – you have really good examples to support your point of view. For a paragraph about empathizing with animals, you would need to give an example. For instance, if you were waiting for someone and it began to rain, and you couldn’t find shelter, you might empathize with a little homeless kitten also trying to get out of the rain. Otherwise, you could explore other reasons why pets are good for people (for example, old people’s homes in the UK/USA often have small dogs or cats because they reduce stress in elderly people). Overall, this would be 6.0.


1. have shared - with since use present perfect
2. Since the dawn of time is cliché and inaccurate, since animals predate humans by several million years! You could use an expression such as for millennia or since we evolved.
3. In this context labour would be better. (What about food and raw materials, too?)
4. You can either say encourages a feeling of empathy or encourages feelings of empathy.
5. Because we haven’t mentioned ‘dwellings’ before, we need to start with the indefinite article (A). Rather than ‘between’ (which implies separate parts of a house, like cattle at one end and people at the other), you could say A common dwelling for humans and pets or Sharing a common dwelling with pets. I think it’s important to specify ‘pets’ rather than animals, since that’s what the question says and because one wouldn’t want to share one’s home with, say, a camel or a donkey.
6. helping people to
7. the
8. at
9. ensure
10. I think your example demonstrates responsibility rather than empathy.
11. In addition/Furthermore
12. pets
13. the
14. a
15. for
16. a
17. beings
18. This isn’t a pros and cons essay, it is about whether owning a pet is good for people, so you could end is certainly beneficial or is definitely a good thing.
19. Unnecessary to add a recommendation.

For your letter, you need to explain what you want the manufacturer to do a little more. You have explained why, at length, but that is only part of the letter. This would be 5.5.


1. You can write this as part of the address (although this isn’t necessary in IELTS), but you should address you letter to either Sir/Madam, or give the engineer a name, (e.g. Dear Mr Chakrabati ).
2. to
3. for
4. This sentence doesn’t add anything. If you have to ask someone to make something for you, you would need to give them the details. For example, I have enclosed technical drawings together with specifications for the chains which we would need in two sizes.
5. have received Use present perfect because you are relating something from the past (getting complaints) with now (asking for new bike chains).
6. our / the
7. Make sure this agrees with your opening paragraph: Go Cycle model
8. This sounds a bit weak. If I had a position in the market and got lots of complaints, I would be horrified. Maybe something like We cannot afford the bad publicity associated with such a defect as we have...
9. with our / as we have
10. Repetitive
11. from this time forwards / henceforth / in future

Hello Teacher Jill,

I am losing my hope of band 7 but I want to make it this time because of social problems from relatives that still I have not passed the exam.

Where my main problem is ? are my ideas good to meet the task?

I understood that articles usage is poor and I am working on them from the explanation you have given.

May be my essays lack proper strategy?