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Post by vinutna on Nov 19, 2015 13:09:05 GMT
Hello,
Kindly correct this essay and give me the feedback with an approximate band
Topic 1:
It is believed by many people that ‘If people have more money, they are generally happier.’
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words
Essay
It is commonly believed that, money brings happiness. However, it is a deniable fact that, more wealthier a person is, more happier one is and happiness is directly related to money. According to me, money plays a vital in gaining happiness but a person feels joyful because of several reasons and they may or may be linked with money.
To begin with, money is important to satisfy the basic needs for survival. Nowadays, we require money everywhere, that could be educational institutions, hospitals, super markets, et cetera. A rich person can obviously afford to visit various places around the world, which makes one happier. Moreover, today, for spiritual or philosophical guidance one needs money. In few cases, one may obtain joy by helping the needy people by giving handsome amount of donations. In this way, one might get happiness. Therefore, one may consider that, ‘Money is the existing God’ in today’s world and one becomes happier when one has money. However, real happiness is priceless and it cannot be attained with money.
Some others may argue that, money could be useful to purchase the required things, nevertheless, one cannot buy happiness. For example, the happiness in the eyes of a mother when she gives birth to a baby cannot be bought by money. Next, real happiness is directly linked to the soul satisfaction. One can get exuberant joyness without money as if by participating in charity work. Hence, it is clear that, one cannot relate happiness with money.
To summarize, one may consider that money is very crucial in achieving happiness and some sort of people may consider that ‘money makes the mare go’. However, what I believe is that, money is certainly important factor but not a sole factor to achieve happiness. Thus, I strongly disagree that happiness is obtained by money in all the cases.
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Post by Admin on Nov 19, 2015 16:08:12 GMT
Hi Vinutna  This would be a 6.0-6.5. You have good ideas and have used some nice less common vocabulary such as K4: attained, K6: mare and K7: needy and exuberant. However, you need to check that you use words appropriately - watch out for fixed phrases, and check your collocations. Make sure you don't repeat yourself, and try to make sure that your paragraphs start and finish in the right place. Kind regards Teacher Jill |
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Post by Teacher Jill on Nov 20, 2015 6:16:15 GMT
Thank you very much Teacher Jill.
Here is one more essay. Kindly correct it and give an approximate band.
Question:In many countries people dream of owning their own home instead paying rent. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of home ownership.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is certainly true that many people struggle much to purchase a house. Besides, it is undeniable fact that having one’s own house would be generally a big dream of every person. Owning a house gives the sense of satisfaction and one would usually feel settled after buying a house. In the essay both the benefits and drawbacks of owning a home will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is reached.
As far as advantages are concerned, one might feel relaxed because of no regular rent payments. At times, a person may face financial crisis and might be unable to clear the pay. In this case, having one’s own house would be highly beneficial. Thus, one could easily get rid of these frequent payments. Apart from this, a tenant has to abide by certain terms and conditions imposed by property owners that could be irritating some times. Next, putting money in the purchase of a home is a future investment venture. The house becomes a property of the owners and their off springs.
However, there are certain drawbacks of this idea as well.
The disadvantages include following points. One has to start saving money in order to buy a house, which may be problematic. On the other hand, there is no surety of property rates, they may alleviate and could lead to the loss of money invested. Furthermore, some people even consider that by owning a house one will abstain from living in different locations and may get deprived of this exuberant enjoyment of staying at various places. Finally, a owned house in along run may not be suitable and forcefully one has to stay there.
To summarize, owning a house is a typical issue, which has both pros and cons. However, what I believe is pros outweigh cons. As a final note, Own house is an own house.
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Post by Teacher Jill on Nov 20, 2015 6:21:17 GMT
I would like to know whether you will evaluate recorded IELTS speaking test and give the approximate band score??
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Post by vinutna on Nov 20, 2015 6:30:57 GMT
I would like to know whether you will evaluate recorded IELTS speaking test and give the approximate band score?? |
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Post by vinutna on Nov 20, 2015 6:33:06 GMT
Thank you very much Teacher Jill. Here is one more essay. Kindly correct it and give an approximate band. Question:In many countries people dream of owning their own home instead paying rent. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of home ownership. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. It is certainly true that many people struggle much to purchase a house. Besides, it is undeniable fact that having one’s own house would be generally a big dream of every person. Owning a house gives the sense of satisfaction and one would usually feel settled after buying a house. In the essay both the benefits and drawbacks of owning a home will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is reached. As far as advantages are concerned, one might feel relaxed because of no regular rent payments. At times, a person may face financial crisis and might be unable to clear the pay. In this case, having one’s own house would be highly beneficial. Thus, one could easily get rid of these frequent payments. Apart from this, a tenant has to abide by certain terms and conditions imposed by property owners that could be irritating some times. Next, putting money in the purchase of a home is a future investment venture. The house becomes a property of the owners and their off springs. However, there are certain drawbacks of this idea as well. The disadvantages include following points. One has to start saving money in order to buy a house, which may be problematic. On the other hand, there is no surety of property rates, they may alleviate and could lead to the loss of money invested. Furthermore, some people even consider that by owning a house one will abstain from living in different locations and may get deprived of this exuberant enjoyment of staying at various places. Finally, a owned house in along run may not be suitable and forcefully one has to stay there. To summarize, owning a house is a typical issue, which has both pros and cons. However, what I believe is pros outweigh cons. As a final note, Own house is an own house. |
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Post by vinutna on Nov 20, 2015 6:41:43 GMT
Hello,
There was a mistake in posting my essay and a question regarding speaking test evaluation.
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Post by Admin on Nov 20, 2015 13:53:45 GMT
Hi Vinutna  1. Much is used in a negative way (people don’t struggle much), so either delete this or say something like a great deal or tremendously. 2. Since the question is about people dreaming of owning a home rather than renting, your opening sentence should really refer to that. For example It is certainly true that many people dream of becoming a homeowner...3. Besides can be used as a preposition, meaning ‘in addition’ but it must be followed by a noun phrase indicating something similar. For example, It is certainly true that people struggle to buy a home. Besides being expensive, suitable homes are difficult to find. = Homes are expensive AND they are difficult to find. It may also be used as an adverb, meaning ‘in any case’, used to strengthen an argument. For example, Most people struggle to buy a house because they need a large deposit. Besides, mortgages are expensive because interest rates are high.= People struggle to buy a house because of they need a large deposit AND mortgages are expensive. Your second sentence can’t be linked to the first with ‘besides’. 4. an5. This is an over-generalisation, which sounds strange being qualified by saying ‘generally’. 6. generally be7. a8. This is an argument which should be with the ‘advantages’ paragraph. 9. This does not tell the examiner anything he doesn’t know. State your position and indicate what will be in the essay. For example While there are pros and cons to owning your own home, I believe the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages.10. without 11. What about mortgage payments? 12. Because you start with at times (plural) you need to say crises (plural) 13. pay the rent / make the rent / clear the rent14. Only if one owned the house outright - without a mortgage. 15. Rather than ‘apart from’ which introduces a drawback to being a tenant paying rent, it would be better to focus the sentence on the advantage of being a homeowner. You could say For example, a tenant has to abide by certain irritating terms and conditions imposed by landlords, which a homeowner does not have to face.16. Next is out of place, because you haven’t used any similar discourse markers, such as ‘first, after that’ and so on. Try using In addition, or What is more, 17. into18. future investment is correct. It you want to use the word ‘venture’ you would need to say financial venture (without the future). 19. the20. Offspring is uncountable, so no ‘s’, but heirs would probably be better here. 21. This is unnecessary 22. values; (semi colon) 23. Alleviate means lessen in the sense of reducing a burden. Taking aspirin can alleviate pain. Here, you mean fall, slump, or drop. 24. the or any25. This sentence is confused. Abstain means you decide to avoid something, rather than being deprived which means someone else, or an outside circumstance causes you to avoid it, so be deprived of the pleasure of living in various different locations would lend clarity. 26. an27. the long run is a fixed phrase in English. 28. Forcefully means vehemently or powerfully. You mean that people would be forced to stay in a house that was no longer suitable because they had bought it, so one would be forced would be correct. 29. Owning a house isn’t an issue – being able to afford one might be. 30. I believe31. the32. the33. Try to use a synonym here, rather than repeating ‘pros and cons’. You could use advantages and disadvantages, or positives and negatives, or benefits and drawbacks/detriments.34. What does this mean? In terms of TR, you have answered the question, but there is a tendency to over-generalise and it would be nice to see some examples from your own experience. Your introduction needs to be shorter and clearer. Paraphrase the question and state your position at the beginning. You believe that owning a home is better than renting, so for cohesion, you should put the negative side of homeownership first, and the positive side just before the conclusion. Pay attention to word choices. Examiners notice mistakes: they don’t notice if you use simple words and phrases correctly. Try to write as though you were speaking to the paper. Sometimes trying to over-formalise an essay can make it sound unnatural. Overall, this would be band score 6.0. For your speaking, let me have the URL (or an MP3 file) and I'll let you know! Kind regards Teacher Jill |
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Post by vinutna on Nov 20, 2015 17:10:00 GMT
Hello,
I do not have an MP3 file. What is URL??
Is it Ok if I record by using a smart phone and submit here? is that possible?
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Post by vinutna on Nov 20, 2015 17:13:52 GMT
My IELTS exam is on December 12th and my requirement is 7 in each. This is my third attempt.
I am worried about the exam (especially writing and speaking)
Thanking you,
Vinutna.
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Post by vinutna on Nov 20, 2015 17:18:21 GMT
Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things, some people claim that the broken things should be repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects the phenomenon leads to?
We are living in a fascinating and ever changing world; therefore, one has to accept these changes in order to cope up with it. Some people consider that, one can make place for new things by throwing away the old ones. However, others believe that, old is gold and one should repair them and reuse them. Several factors lead to this phenomenon and have their respective consequences.
The concept of throwing away older things has the negative effect on the environment. These things produce more garbage and eventually lead to the disposal problem. The more throwing away old things, more would be accumulation of garbage. In a long run, this leads to the environmental pollution. Today, pollution has already become the serious threat. Hence, it is suggested to repair the older things and use them instead of disposing them away.
On the other hand,I believe is in three valuable R’S- repair, recycle and reuse. One could effectively reduce the harm caused to environment by following these three R’s. The practice of reusing older things is a positive phenomenon. The non-biodegradable things such as plastic would go on collecting in the land and result in the imbalance. Therefore, they should be recycled for the future use.Nevertheless, one may counter argue that, if one reuses the older things then what about the new ones, they just loose their market value and this may result in the production loss.
Finally, it is clear that, this phenomenon receives the mixed response, it is the moot issue, and one has to look after this issue to avoid the major dreadful consequences
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Post by Admin on Nov 21, 2015 8:27:37 GMT
Hi Vinutna Nowadays, people always throw the old things away when they buy new things, some people claim that the broken things should be repaired and used again. What factors cause this phenomenon? What effects does the phenomenon lead to?  Your introduction is too long and the first sentence is irrelevant. This is not an argument essay - should we buy new or should we recycle - but a cause and effect essay. Your thesis statement suggests your essay will be about causes and effects, but the body paragraphs are about effects and reducing effects. You haven’t stated your position anywhere in the essay. This would be a 6. Re speaking: try sending your sound file as an email attachment - I should be able to convert them. Re exam: What were your scores in your last two attempts? You have three weeks to bring up your writing and speaking. It is possible! Kind regards Teacher Jill |
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Post by vinutna on Nov 21, 2015 12:49:56 GMT
My IELTS SCORES are as follows:
FIRST ATTEMPT: in March
Listening- 7.5
Reading- 6.5
Writing -5.5
speaking- 6.0
overall- 6.5
SECOND TIME: in May
L- 8.5
R-7.0
W-6.0
S-6.5
overall- 7.0
I tried to attach as a thread here in add attachment options but it is given unable to attach file is too long, my speech was of about 4minutes which I wanted to attach
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Post by vinutna on Nov 21, 2015 12:53:04 GMT
My major problem is brain storming the ideas, after that organization of essay.
How to overcome this problem?
suggest me the ways to improve my writing part and make my essay to score 7 band
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Post by vinutna on Nov 21, 2015 12:58:12 GMT
Could you send me your email id so that send my speaking part to that
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